I decided to pop in and post a bit on my lunch break today. I wanted to write about that one time when I had a goal to update my blog every single day for a month – and I did that. And how, at the end of that month, I did not set a new goal, but simply “eased up” – which resulted in about 3 posts in as many months.
I was so happy during November. Here I was, doing what I wanted to do. Spending lots of time on my blog. Updating, interacting, feeling great about myself. Even daring to think about calling myself a writer!
Today, on the cusp of March, I could not remember the web address to my blog admin login panel.
Let me be a lesson to you. Don’t ease up on your goals, or you may find yourself starting from scratch in just a few short months!
Remember that one time when I was on fire and dedicated, and willing to do whatever it took on my quest for collarbones… even if it meant facing my hatred of cold and snow just to make sure I had time to get my daily walk in?
Oh… wait. I don’t remember it either. It’s so “not me.” Today, though, I pushed myself to take a 30 minute walk in 23 degree weather with intermittent 23 mph winds. I made sure I wasn’t feeling frostbitey by bundling the life out of my head, neck, and face with this awesome $5 scarf.
Me, with a weird “I can’t believe I’m actually doing this” look, almost done with a 30-minute walk.
And, for dramatic effect, the snow from the upper left of the above photo.
Dude. Maybe I am turning over a new leaf. I have lots and lots to tell you about my quest for collarbones. It’s been quite a journey.
Today is Mr. Thor’s birthday. We will be in the same age decade for at least another 5 years.
If you have read this blog for any length of time, you already know that Mr. Thor has been an overwhelmingly positive force in my life.
He continues to blow me away with the amount of love and support that he offers, continually and unconditionally. Before Mr. Thor, I didn’t really understand what a healthy friendship should look like, I don’t think I knew the true meaning of love, and I definitely had some gaps in my self worth.
To say that he has been a healing force in my life would not be an exaggeration. He is at times a coach, a therapist, or a cheerleader. He gives me a reality check when I’m going off the deep end and a nudge when I doubt that I have what it takes.
He is hilarious, and I love our inside jokes. We do impressions to make each other laugh. We watch old SNL skits over and over again and laugh hard every time.
He is caring, brilliant, fun, and he has a heart of pure gold.
I wish that every person on the planet could feel the way I get to feel because I know this man.
I do. I love the trappings of Christmas, too. The green and red. The sparkly snowflakes and stripey wrapping paper. I love ornaments for my tree, and up until last year I didn’t really have a home where I could put my tree up. I had no idea what I had for ornaments.
I have balls. Lots and lots of balls. The plain kind from when I was a kid (and they are truly from when I was a kid – I think the boxes had Bradlees and Ames price stickers on them) that are glass and one solid color – red, green, silver, blue, or gold.
This year is my first married Christmas. Mr. Thor and I thought that it would be a good time to start building up our Christmas collection, so that we don’t have to hang these depressing, chipped balls year after year. Well, that’s my reasoning, anyway. I think Mr. Thor just kind of goes along with my whims when it comes to stuff like this.
On Black Friday, I took advantage of the sales at the Corning Museum of Glass and picked up a couple of ornaments that looked just like ornaments I grew up with, only safer:
the one i grew up with involved pins and beads.the one i grew up with was perched on a VERY pinchy clip.
Then, Mr. Thor’s mom showed up at our house a couple of weeks ago with these two additions:
for the person who has everything.for the person who is obsessed with cigars.
We were so inspired, and decided that we loved the personality that was starting to take shape on our tree! We decided to buy one more each, that we went to a store and picked out ourselves.
Mr. Thor's pick. I had to wedge him unceremoniously in the tree so that you could see his body.My pick. He reminds me of a parade float!
The one thing that strikes me as I look through all of these is: BALLS. they are all over the place. I tried to take the pictures around them, but they are everywhere. I think I will keep one box for nostalgia, but the rest have to get permanently phased out.
Did I mention that I love Christmas and the trappings of Christmas?
During my wonderful chat with my friend Stephanie, I started explaining what I perceive to be the primary problem with my focus, and subsequently, my achievement (or lack thereof). I am interested in too many things, all at once. I want to sew, knit, crochet, bake, cook, learn French, Spanish, & Italian, write books, go back to grad school for an MLS, no wait, an MFA.
And I am not really moving toward any of it. But I am interested in all of it. And I would love to achieve even some of it.
My energy is so divided that it’s like fireworks – a bang and then everything just shoots off in different directions. And, maybe, something pretty for a few seconds – but ultimately it just fizzles out without making a lasting impact.
What I need to do is FOCUS – all caps – so that my energy is more like a cannonball. A boom, and enough oomph to leave a mark. It might not be pretty, but it will do something.
So, that brings me to my word for 2012: FOCUS. I have been doing a decent job of focusing on the blog, and I hope to keep that going. My first area of focus for 2012 will be… sewing! I took a 2-hour class once and I absolutely loved it. I am signed up for a 10-hour class that starts next month (which is also next year!!) and covers the basics over a 4-week period.
Ask me how it’s going, if you don’t hear about it.
Back in October, I was having what seems to be an annual late-night chat with my dear friend Stephanie from The Lovers, the Dreamers, and Me, during what seems to be her annual visit to Not the City, New York. During that chat I opened up about how my dreams just seem so out of reach and how I don’t even know if I am still dreaming the dream anymore.
In the morning, I woke up to this on my fridge:
An encouraging poem that is still on my fridge.
I read the poem and had a good cry. And I sort of resolved to do something, because one of my friends managed to write me a meaningful message using Magnetic Poetry for couples (which, by the way, contained the word DIVORCE! I threw it away immediately.). And if she could do that, I could at least muster some effort to resemble the person I long to be.
One of the first things I did was decide to get back into writing. Coincidentally, NaBloPoMo was coming up. I decided that I would update my blog every single day in November. I did write a few good posts, but mostly I am thankful for the writing practice and the “practice” practice – the mindset shift of digging into something every single day.
I wasn’t intending to make this a multi-part post, but, well – here we go again.
So, every year, I inevitably get asked, by at least one person, what I want for Christmas. I usually think, “too much to say.”
My husband asked me what I wanted for Christmas this year, and I honestly want nothing at all.
I can look around my life and see that it is absolutely rich and fun, I am loved, I feel balanced and happy. This is all I have ever wanted.
I said, “maybe a Kindle fire” because they are SO fun. But I’m not even sure I want that. I like that I can only get on the internet from a real computer and not from something little I can take anywhere with me.
I want to follow my heart, make money with my passions and talents, and spend time with those I love.
I want my friends and family to be happy and healthy and fulfilled.
Should be pretty easy, right?
OK, honestly, I wouldn't mind a tree full of these.
I dripped turkey grease all over my foot. Yes, it was my own fault, for kind of tipping the turkey wrong as I was trying to carve it.
Last night, I sliced the top of my thumb off with my new super-sharp knife. It’s so super-sharp that it only took a layer of skin and I never even bled.
Later last night, I dropped 2 eggs on the floor and, well, you can imagine what happened next. Or you can’t, since it kind of kicked off a mini-meltdown for me.
This morning, I opened a new jar of Justin’s almond butter to take to work. I decided to mix in the oil on the top before I left, since I only have plastic knives at work. SPLORP! I launched several tablespoons out of the jar and down my sweater, my pants, and even on my slippers. Not to mention, all over the floor and the counter and the outside of the almond butter jar.
Mrs. Thor 