Can’t go back now

It’s funny how this song keeps coming back around. It came on when I was in the car on Monday night, and the tears started rolling. I have more to say about it, but right now doesn’t seem like the right time.


Lies and Lunges

My trainer gave me some new exercises way back in April. They were hard, SO hard. Too hard. I couldn’t do them without feeling like I was going to puke, or feeling dizzy. And I was in pretty decent shape at that point – I had been working out at a decent intensity for months. I think I was stepping it up, but we stepped too far, too fast. I felt foolish, and weak, and like a fraud, because these exercises were kicking my butt. Not in a good way.

So, instead of taking it easy and modifying them, or maybe continuing with my previous workouts, or perhaps, even e-mailing my trainer to see if we could change them up? I just stopped.

Let me take this opportunity to tell you that if you are working out on a regular basis, stopping for any mental reason is just about the worst thing to do.

Finally, last week, after way too long off the exercise kick, I managed to get one walk and one workout in. This week, I am on expecting to get at least one walk and three weight workouts. But it’s hard – and I am finding that it’s actually harder mentally than it is physically.

In my head, I told myself that the new set of exercises (along with a serious pep talk!) that I got last week looked really hard. Tricep dips. Lunges.

I said, in my head, “I can’t do those. I am too out of shape. It has been too long since I worked out.”

Tonight, in a rare burst of bravery, I decided to build this week’s workout with tricep dips AND lunges.

Lunges scare me. All I can think of is Cindy Crawford and her long, long lunges. I could never do them the way she could in that workout of hers. I never got them right, and I always felt like I was about to really hurt myself when I tried, and I always had to stop early. So, last week, I decided to do them with a chair for balance, and do them small to start.

Tonight, I decided to try them again. Without even thinking about it, I did longer lunges and barely touched the chair. By the time my workout was through, I wasn’t using the chair at all.

I can do lunges. I can handle lunges just fine, on my terms.

The tricep dips were fine, too. I couldn’t do them for the whole time I was supposed to do them, but I did them for half. That is good enough.

The lie that I tell myself is that I have to get it right every time or the effort was wasted. I have to give 100% or I don’t deserve anything for my efforts.

The truth is that a workout done at half intensity is not wasted. A short walk is not meaningless. Every little bit helps.