It started on Thanksgiving.

I dripped turkey grease all over my foot. Yes, it was my own fault, for kind of tipping the turkey wrong as I was trying to carve it.

Last night, I sliced the top of my thumb off with my new super-sharp knife. It’s so super-sharp that it only took a layer of skin and I never even bled.

Later last night, I dropped 2 eggs on the floor and, well, you can imagine what happened next. Or you can’t, since it kind of kicked off a mini-meltdown for me.

This morning, I opened a new jar of Justin’s almond butter to take to work. I decided to mix in the oil on the top before I left, since I only have plastic knives at work. SPLORP! I launched several tablespoons out of the jar and down my sweater, my pants, and even on my slippers. Not to mention, all over the floor and the counter and the outside of the almond butter jar.

No, seriously… what gives?