The last hundred.

So, it begins today. I am officially at war with the last 100 pounds.

I went to the gym tonight and when I walked out I said, “see you tomorrow” to my trainer.

I didn’t feel like I could do this on my own. I was tired of counting exchanges, points, or calories. I couldn’t force myself to do a workout. Not even one. My diet was abysmal, my energy levels were low, and I felt terrible about myself. I started gaining back some of the first 100, which was absolutely NOT OK with me.

So I made an appointment with a trainer when I got back from my big Colorado trip. More on that later, and why that was my line in the sand – the point after which I knew I had to get serious.

I didn’t blog much about the first 100. I was afraid, I thought nobody wanted to read it, I thought nobody would relate, and I was embarrassed. I realize now that anyone with eyes knows I have a substantial amount of weight to lose. So, I hope you don’t mind if, for a time, I indulge myself and imagine that writing in this blog will hold me more accountable.

Tonight I went to a cross-training 101 class. I started to learn my way around some very tiny kettlebells. My wrists felt like they might snap, but I did what I had to do. I did more wall squats than I have done in my entire life, combined – and I almost threw up because of it. My trainer actually stopped the workout even though I was about to start my final set. I felt awful. I felt embarrassed.

I remembered that, as recently as February, I was feeling strong during my P90X workouts, and tonight I could hardly keep my form during wall squats and wall pushups. I felt like someone who had never exercised a day in her life.

Well, now I have. tomorrow will make two.  The last hundred are going down.

Hard.

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6 thoughts on “The last hundred.

  1. I am pleased to read your words even if you think they are self indulgent…I read them with the eyes of someone who loves you and wants to know what your challenges are and want to learn…about your goals…about the challenges you have with weight…about your facing the final 100 with courage and honesty. Good grief if a friend says they don’t want to know this…I question their level of friendship. You are a brave girl Amy! I want us to get together this week… after your workout you may be too tired…I can come to Corning…let me know what night, if any, works for you. I know you will feel strong again…and I know that day will not be too far into the future. Today, I found two “camps for adults” to attend…one is a nature camp in Va…the other is a nature writing camp in the Berkshires. Look at us stepping outside our comfort zones….yeah us!!!!! ❤

  2. I love your bravery. You are so beautiful. And I am so proud of you for starting again, this time to lose the next 100. I can’t wait to continue reading about your journey. You inspire me to continue to try for the things in my own life. And your journey inspires me….your whole journey, the ups, the downs, the setbacks, and the blazing forwards….all of it. please keep writing. it’s a gift that needs to be shared. xoxo.

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