So, it has been an interesting week. Mr. Thor has been away. Oh, so away. He left Monday and will not return until next Monday night. I miss him terribly, but somehow I have been able to carry on.
I found something funny today when I was fishing around in my purse for gum, mints, or chapstick. I found a wad of tissues, a huge one-inch stack of them that had been rolled up into kind of a tube. After a second, it hit me: at the last minute, as we were walking out the door to drop Mr. Thor at the airport, I grabbed them. I was sure I would be weeping the entire one-hour commute to work.
As I dropped Mr. Thor at the airport, I was giving him the 30th hug and dripping tears all over his jacket when I heard the Indigo Girls song, “Love of Our Lives” start coming over the airport speakers outside. I straightened up, said “i love you” and “i’ll miss you” again and watched Mr. Thor get swallowed by the automatic doors. Then I rolled my window down and kept my car parked right there in front of the airport until the song ended.
Then I started my car and drove to work.
This week has felt much like that: just doing what I need to do. Just putting one foot in front of the other. Just ignoring the shadows everywhere. Just packing my lunch, just getting ready, just going to work.
Only, today, when I found the tissues? I found something else. I found a realization that I am stronger than I thought I was. I didn’t sob through a giant stack of tissues in an hour, or ever. I have actually kind of enjoyed this time. I have been productive. I have set up this blog. I have been writing. I have been making myself dinner and packing myself lunch. I have had fun hanging out with myself.
This doesn’t necessarily that I want Mr. Thor to go away any time again soon, but it does mean that I don’t have to be so afraid of it next time.
Here’s to finding tissues!