I’m still afraid to write about it, still afraid to talk about it, still afraid to put it down as a record, still afraid to show off the mind-boggling before and after photo of the last 50 pounds I have lost, for fear that maybe it will stop, or go away, or I will wake up tomorrow and it won’t be real.
The last time I decided I was going to try to lose weight, I took a good, hard look at myself, my weight, my life, and all of my previous failed attempts at weight loss. Most of them were just 20 or 30 pounds down, then right back up again. But one of them hurt more than the rest – the time I lost 80 pounds. And then, over the course of four years, the time I gained 80 pounds right back. Plus another 15, just to keep things interesting.
So, in June of 2010 when I started to mull over whether or not I was ready to leave the 300 weight century, it took me some time to decide. I knew I could not endure another 80 down, 100 up fiasco. My confidence in myself was shaky. I declared that I would begin again, but that this had to be the last time. I knew I had ONE MORE start in me. I knew I had one more brave face to look down that long, 200-pound road, but no more. I had a distinct moment of “now or never” and so I jumped in.
It has been slow. If you average out my loss over time, I average about 5 pounds per month down. That is less than 1.5 pounds per week.
Slow. But that’s the wrong word, isn’t it?
What matters is that the weight, over time, has gone down. And since July 2010, it has gone down 100 pounds.
What matters more is that over all that time, I have had time to develop healthy patterns and habits. I started exercising in earnest in October 2011. By that time I had lost about 50 pounds. I started with a plan from a fitness specialist. It was a graduated walking plan that started me walking 3 minutes twice a day for three days a week, and one day a week I was supposed to walk 5 minutes. That plan was 12 weeks long, and believe it or not, in the beginning those 5-minute walks were actually a challenge. By the end of it, the 48 and 58 minute walks I was taking were no problem at all.
Then I started working with weights sometime in January 2012.
The first weights I used were a 2.5 lb set of dumbells, a 5 lb set of dumbells, and a 5 lb weighted ball. I mostly held the ball and moved around it, slowly. I was proud of doing lateral raises with 2.5 lb weights. By March of 2012, I was beyond the 5 lb weights and I had to order some adjustable weights so I could do more.
My fitness specialist kept giving me workouts, and I was supposed to do them 3 times per week.
Was my exercise habit perfect? No way. There were plenty of weeks where I missed one, two, or even all three workouts.
Was my diet perfect? Hardly. There were times where I got derailed by sweets, cheese, dip, cheese dip, booze…you name it.
But the key in everything, the one thing that made me reach such a cool milestone of 100 pounds lost…was to keep going, no matter what. Every day I got up and tried again. Every week I tried to get all of my workouts in and stay within my calories/points/exchanges. Every weigh in I tried to remind myself that the scale doesn’t tell the whole story. Every week I reminded myself of how far I have come with new and positive behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs.
And now, I have about another 100 pounds to go. I don’t feel flip or cavalier or like because I did it once it will be easy to do it twice. This is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life – maybe even the hardest. It’s difficult to keep toiling and not get immediate positive feedback. It’s frustrating to know that I still have so far to go, frustrating to know that it might take another 2.5 years, heck, it might even take 3 or 4.
But I am still moving. I am still growing, still challenging myself. For instance, this past Monday, I started P90X. And I have been doing it. Doing better than I thought I would. Sure, I modify where I have to, I put the weights down when I have trouble with balance, and honestly, there are parts of me that are odd-shaped and large and inhibit certain movement paths. I still can’t do one full situp or one full pushup.
And actually, after today’s workout, I am not completely confident that I will be able to pull up my pants tomorrow.
But I will keep going. Pants or no pants. OK, not really no pants. There must be pants.
I have a support system the likes of which I have never seen. I have friends who believe in me, who challenge me, who know exactly how much I weigh. I have a husband who loves me right where I am but cheers me on to the next big goal that I’m chasing. He, also, knows exactly how much I weigh. It’s just a number. It’s not almighty, it doesn’t control me or define me.
Hopefully it won’t be that number for too much longer, anyway.
And now, here goes nothing. It’s real. I will wake up tomorrow and it will still be real.
Mrs. Thor 
I cannot even tell you how proud I am of you. I am just getting back on my wagon, and I know what you meant when you said you have “one more start.” It just feels different this time. And the good healthy patterns are so much more important than inches and pounds. You look amazing and cheers to you! Keep it up! It’s real!
Thanks, Steph! What you have been doing is so awesome!
The amazing, inspiring, (insert all kinds of great words here) Mrs. Thor. I love your blog.
ha! Thank you, Nicelle!
So proud. Cheering you on!!
Thank you, Abby!!
Am I proud of you? Of course….but is that important?…not as important as you being proud of you. I am celebrating that you are getting healthier as the months tick by. I see you living life…really living life and I feel joy that my wonderfully talented and creative Amy is so strong willed and focused. She is quite a woman! I am humbled by your greatness Amy!
Thank you for such a thoughtful comment, Cathy! 🙂
Amy! That is amazing! You look awesome!
Thanks, Heather!!
woo-hoo! giddy-up! get it, girl! XOXOX
XOXOOXXOXO lindalicious!
So proud of you pookie!
Thank you, pookie!
WHOO HOO and congratulations Mrs. Thor! I am the mother of a friend of yours and she sent me the link to your blog. She said she thought I would enjoy your blog and this post in particular and she was right! We are strangers and yet I know you. I understand what it took for you to lose 100 pounds and how there are days or sometimes even minutes where you fought and continue to fight to resist falling backwards and I even understand your fear that by posting your before and after pictures it will somehow not be real. I too have lost 100 pounds. It feels glorious doesn’t it?! Have you walked past a storefront and caught a glimpse of yourself in the reflection? I hope it made you smile! I hope you know how AMAZING you are and I hope you are smiling as you read this. You will wake up in the morning and the 100 pounds will still be gone and you will begin again and you will succeed! How do I know? I know because I was you and I lost 196.4 pounds.
You are Megan’s mom! Your success is inspiring – thank you for stopping by and for your encouraging words! WAY TO GO!!
🙂 Yep, I am Megan’s Mom! I am also a WW leader in Rock Hill, SC. Can I share your entry with my group? I would encourage you to print yours and take it to your meeting and share it with your group. I wrote an entry on my blog a while back and shared a letter I wrote to the weight I had lost which I also shared in my WW meeting. I have been asked repeatedly to share that letter with other groups. Your words may inspire and encourage those silent ones who sit in the meeting overwhelmed with the enormity of the weight they have to lose. They are powerful determined words and I suspect they reflect the person who has been buried underneath the weight.
Of course you can share this with your group! I would be honored.
You are such an inspiration, Mrs. Thor! Wow! I am so proud of your progress. Keep up the good work and know that you have plenty of people that are cheering you on!
You are a rock star!
Thank you, Laura!
You are an amazing lady! Well done. Well done. Well done! 🙂
Thanks, Angie! 🙂
Amy, you look amazing! There are no words. I am so inspired!
Thank you, Allie! ❤
What a wonderful thing to read. I’m glad you shared your story. I joined WW recently because the pounds crept up and didn’t drop off as easily as they once had. I totally relate to so much of what you are experiencing. Even after a bad day (or a gluttonous day) you just have to try to do better moving forward. That’s a hard one to learn. That, and knowing that even if you’re not at your ultimate goal YET, you’re still better than you were a month ago. So, yes, I relate. I’m in your corner! You’re doing an amazing job, and its not easy!
Thanks, Colleen. It’s really not easy! I appreciate the support and your thoughtful comment.
Good luck with WW!
Mrs. Thor – your before and after pictures are inspiring. Your tips on Facebook are wonderful and now I guess I’ll have to start reading your blog. You go girl!
Thanks, Judy! Yeah, time to start reading my blog! 🙂
Wow! What an inspiration you are! Just like the Tortoise & the Hare, slow & steady wins the race. You are proof! Congratulations!
Thank you, Tanya! I will get there.
Amazing, Amy! Congratulations. And the sentiment about just committing to the change and doing it one more day (every day) this resonates with soooo many things in my life right now. Cheering you on. And your sewing work is beautiful too! Xo
Thank you, Katrina! I think that the daily grind/working it out is way more important than we realize. And thanks, too, for the compliment on my sewing! I’m new, but I’m having so much fun.
You go Amy! You should be so proud of the positive and dedicated commitment you have made to yourself and you health. The weight loss is awesome too 😉
What an inspiration you are!!
Thank you, Kelly! 🙂
Wow. Mrs. T. Just, wow.
🙂
I am crying tears of joy and happiness – I am honored to be your friend and could not be more proud of you!
Thank you, Rebecca!!
From one big loser to another, congratulations on the loss of one hundred pounds. I wish you godspeed in your journey to losing the next one hundred pounds. But at the end of the day, your (and my) weight is nothing mor than a relatively meaningless number on a scale. The real change is in how you (and I) veiw food, exercise, and ourselves.
Thank you, Richard! You’re so right…the attitude change is what matters most to me. Of course I want to be smaller, but I also want to stay that way. That can’t happen without serious shifts.
Your words and journey are inspiring. I’ll think of you as I drag myself to the treadmill tomorrow. You are not alone on your quest.
Thank you, Snarf! And have fun on that treadmill…;)
This makes me so happy! You look amazing!
Awesome! You look amazing!
Wow, Amy that is awesome and inspiring. I can relate with your struggle and I reading this makes me think I have one more start in me. Thank you. And by the way, you’re a great writer.
Thank you, Nate! You can do it!