dear gym guy

you look like a balding william h. macy but you tried to comb your hair all weird to hide it. i did not hold that against you.

you smelled like old dude and left a wake of weird cologne/aftershave behind you. i only held that against you a little bit.

you clipped past me so many times, and even though it was just you and me on the track, you insisted on practically running into me every single time you passed me. i kind of held that against you.

and then i decided to stop holding in my farts.

sorry. i ate a lot of dairy today.


4 thoughts on “dear gym guy

  1. After all these years, I can’t figure out if it’s worse to be next to someone with tons of cologne or tons of B.O. It’s truly a toss up, depending on what marketing genius the person tried to follow (please not Electric Youth), or what the other person ate and how long the gym clothes sat in a dank, dark locker like a prisoner on lock down. No matter what, phones and convo is unnecessary while working out. If it can’t wait, you may rethink your gym time allotment, no? Okay, enough from me. sorry. and next time, eat coconut. It can be a powerful weapon.

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